Death is one of the hardest things we as humans have to experience.
Last night my grandfather passed away. This meant that for the fifth time in my children’s short lives they’ve had to experience losing someone close to them. As much as I’ve tried my hardest to prepare them over the years, it’s never gotten easier.
Over the last month, my children have watched their great grandfather slowly pas away from stage four lung cancer. This isn’t their first rendezvous with cancer, but it is the first time they’ve been faced with seeing what it’s like to care for an elderly relative and to care for someone who is at the end.
I don’t often write about things this personal on my blog, however, as I sit on the couch, with my children nearby, my son, crying his eyes out, and my girls sitting consoling one another, I am in awe of how my children opted to share their favorite memories of my grandfather with one another.
Although I’m not one for “open letters”, this is one that I am happy to write and share with the world.
I don’t like it that you died. I’m sad, but I’m happy you get to see grandma again. Please make lots of macaroni in heaven.
I hope you have dreams of us and the rest of the family. I feel sad that you’re gone, I wish you were still here.
I miss you. I hope that you’re happy now, you’re with grandma.
I don’t know why you died. I tried to be a doctor so you could feel better, but mommy wouldn’t let me.
I know he’ll never read these, however, my kids absolutely adored every moment with him. Two days ago; although he was on comfort meds, not responding, nor could he open his eyes; when I told him I would pick the kids up from school to come see him, he attempted to get out of the bed and go with me. He was weak, he couldn’t talk, but he loved his great grandchildren so much that even as he was dying he wanted to do for them.
If there is one thing that my children have taught me this morning, it’s that as sad as it is to have someone pass away, the memories you’ve created are what matters.
Love of impromptu dance parties, 80’s cartoons, and horizontal life pauses (aka naps); Natasha Brown is a stay at home mom of 4 kids, and wife to one lucky guy! In her spare time, she is co-editor of Grits & Grace, as well as editor for The Mother Hustler Blog and Creative Director for the Mother Hustler podcast.