I remain hopeful that there will come a time when people will learn to mind their own business.
Cotton candy dreams, right?
There is no denying that there are many who don’t view being a mother as a viable accomplishment. As a matter of fact, when it comes to parenting, only fathers seem to get the congratulatory remarks, because apparently when they do things that mothers do it’s simply the most amazing thing in the world.
Case in point:
We were at our city’s local St. Patricks Day festival and we stopped into our favorite (now closed) restraunt t to grab a bite (because festival food is overpriced and not filling). Our youngest needed changing and so my husband was going to do it. He asked the waitress about changing stations in the men’s restroom and why there weren’t any. Of course she says well there is one in the women’s bathroom and he can go in there. Immediately she and four other waitresses, made sure the women’s restroom was cleared out so that he could change Isla in there. This was after they offered to go in there and just change her for him.
During all of this, there are patrons and other waitresses coming to the table how blessed I am that he changed her diaper and how much of a great dad he is.
All I could think was “well, damn, I don’t get this when I am out and have to change a diaper!” I was pregnant, hot, heavy and tired, and my feet were the size of car tires. Of course he was going to go do it because in that moment I couldn’t move.
If you have ever gone out for a girl’s night or where ever, you may be met with similar comments of how lucky it must be to have dad babysit the kids.
My husband constantly gets “oohs and ahhs” for working outside of the home and being the father of 4. Me on the other hand:
*crickets*
Add my being a “mommy blogger” on top of that, and well, you can guess that I am often met with a slew of sarcastic and condescending opinions about my life.
Related: My Education ISN’T Wasted Staying Home
Don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled that people recognize the value in everything that my husband does to care for his family. However, when I was working and running my own business, I can’t recall ever hearing anything remotely close. (And if you sense a bit of jealously and resentment there-it is, just keeping it real).
What people fail to realize is that being a mother (or father) is really a difficult job. No it may not hold the same notariety as being a chemical engineer, but at least I can say I have done both.
Let’s not forget that with the current workforce climate, employers are not very understanding when it comes to mothers. Having a special needs child means that I am always at an appointment. Working outside of the home doesn’t really allow me that freedom (unless I were to ever have an understanding boss, which I never did-even with FMLA).
I’m sure my parents are still confused, especially after all of my big dreams of becoming a doctor (who knows, I still might?). But right now, my number one job is to ensure that I am at my kids disposal whenever I am needed.
And just to clear up a few misconceptions about my day.
No, I don’t sit around all day everyday (just on Monday’s and Friday’s actually).
No, I don’t have 7 course meals ready for my husband when he walks in the door.
I don’t do playgroups.
Yes, sometimes my house is a complete mess.
Love of impromptu dance parties, 80’s cartoons, and horizontal life pauses (aka naps); Natasha Brown is a stay at home mom of 4 kids, and wife to one lucky guy! In her spare time, she is co-editor of Grits & Grace, as well as editor for The Mother Hustler Blog and Creative Director for the Mother Hustler podcast.
I found this post on the most optimal day! I always feel like I have to apologize for “just” being a Mom. I hate it when people’s eyes glaze over and I immediately become less interesting. And I get the same comments about how lucky I am that my husband will feed our children or change their diapers.
This post is thought provoking, thanks for being so candid. Many people in the world have been conditioned to think this way and it is unfortunate. There is so much that mother’s do not get recognized for.
I absolutely love this post. I’m a Mormon and I went to college, taught for three years, and then became a stay at home mom when I had kids. My feminist, non-Mormon life-long friend was so upset that I did because she knew how much I wanted to be a teacher all my life. She asked why I was giving up my dream and life’s calling. And I told her because motherhood is also my life’s calling. My children are more important to me. And, because I want to. I am accomplishing the biggest thing in the world–successfully, rightfully raising two wonderful, beautiful, brilliant children. Then, I’ll eventually go back to teaching in the classroom.