Struggling to find who you are and your place in the world isn’t something reserved for teens, twenty-somethings, or men going through a mid-life crisis. Believe it or not, many mothers experience the same thing. Similar to Imposter syndrome, where one may feel as if she is not deserving of certain accolades when you are a mom trying to figure out who you truly are, you may begin to doubt yourself.
Doubting yourself can come in every form, some can be extremely harmful to your psyche.
Does my partner still find me attractive?
Am I a good mother?
Why am I such a failure?
If you are anything like me, you may start to be remiss about the times in your life when you had everything under control most of the time that probably pre-kids.
The truth is many moms begin to lose their identity because they are in a way forced to slow down. Even though we are incredibly busy, we are simultaneously told to stop and smell the roses. They are only young once. To live in this moment.
While all of this is true, it can lead to feeling lonely, isolated, or as if a part of you is lost simply due to how much things are out of control once you become a parent.
How To Embrace Motherhood Without Losing Yourself
Finding your identity can be difficult, but one thing that I have found is that it also helps to understand what season you are going through in life. Were there points where being a mom was the end all be all for me and I was the content? Yes, it was. But then there were other times where I wholly enjoyed being a mom and being Tasha; or being Chris’ wife. There could be other seasons in your life when being a mom coincides with other things you are being called to do.
Being a mom doesn’t mean that you can’t have a purpose. You just have to work extra hard to remember what it is, or to find it.
Finding your purpose isn’t as easy as meditating, picking up a book or throwing in an extra hour or self-care daily. It really takes remembering who you are (or were) remembering what did (or does) make you get up in the morning. If your purpose is nurture, find ways to do so outside of the home (if you so choose). Sometimes being able to share ourselves/passions with others can help reinvigorate us and bring us back to life.
At the end of the day, it’s important to not beat yourself up about not yet discovering or losing who you once were. At some point, we all go through it. It’s how to bring about the second wind that matters.
Love of impromptu dance parties, 80’s cartoons, and horizontal life pauses (aka naps); Natasha Brown is a stay at home mom of 4 kids, and wife to one lucky guy! In her spare time, she is co-editor of Grits & Grace, as well as editor for The Mother Hustler Blog and Creative Director for the Mother Hustler podcast.